Spirit
Welcome to the bad news blog…
I went away to Brussels, had a great time until late-Sunday night when I came down with the worst case of food poisoning I have ever had. I was sick the entire night and next day. I was stable enough to travel home Monday afternoon, but it was a miserable journey. I managed to sleep between Brussels and London, but the train from London to home was rather crowded and I couldn’t do anything but stare out to the horizon so as not to feel like I’d puke into the lap of the man sat next to me. I had a big meeting yesterday morning so I attended that, but took the afternoon off to get some rest. I woke up this morning with a bit of relapse so I took today off too.
Before I left I had made an appointment to take Trigger in first thing on Tuesday as I could see her tumour had rapidly grown in the last couple of weeks. It was clearly bothering her a lot as she pawed at it so much that she made it raw and was acting very skittish — something she never did before. When I made the appointment I said I think she will need sedation so they can do X-rays and a proper exam since her last one was back in November or something.
When the vet saw her he agreed and asked me in what order I noticed the change in symptoms and behaviour. He said what I already knew — that the cancer was in such a place that there was little to do surgically or even with aggressive therapies like chemo or laser. He said that it may be likely that they’d sedate her and see that the cancer was at such a stage as the best course would be to let her go…
I had to let my little kitty go yesterday. The tumour had spread so much and there was nothing they could do. She’d only get worse and any treatments they could give her wouldn’t really help.
I knew this was coming so I am not as devastated as I was with losing Dakota so unexpectedly last year which actually makes me feel like a bit of an arse. It’s very lonely not having a kitty here to headbutt me and tell me when it’s time to go to bed or insist that she come in the bathroom with me so she can have a drink out of the tap. I don’t need to be careful about kicking the water bowl…
I’m ready for this part of my life to move forward. I have had way too much loss in the last 12 months; way too much upheaval.
RIP Trigger kitty.
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Comments
No, no, NO! Oh no. I’m so sorry. I actually have tears. Again. For you.
I don’t imagine this will help much now, but know that you provided the best possible life for both Trigger and Dakota and you made the bravest and most compassionate decision to let her go and avoid any undue suffering.
I don’t think feeling more shocked at the loss of Dakota makes you an arse :) Rather people or pets (the other kind of people), losing one unexpectedly is always more distressing than when there is foreknowledge. Although it’s still terribly, heart-wrenchingly awful of course.
Although I didn’t lose them because they passed away (so much worse), I lost both my cats during the same period of time my mom was ill and died. One got out, because of my roommate’s negligence, and never came back and the other had an indoor peeing issue that after 2 years I had to give up on and allow her to be an outdoor kitty on a family friend’s farm in Indiana. My heart was broken again and again, even though I knew they were “out there”. I cannot really begin to imagine how much you must be hurting.
Shortly after my mom passed, I was living alone, and I went to the Humane Society and adopted Topaz :) 10 years ago!
I hope that you feel better (from the food poisoning - oh ICK) very VERY soon and just as soon have time away from work and responsilbity to have quiet time at home or whatever activity you most want to have right now.
xo jillian
Posted by: jillian | July 3rd, 2008 01:02
I’m so sorry petal :( Big hugs
xxx
Posted by: Bryony | July 3rd, 2008 06:43
I’m so sorry for your loss. Seeing it coming doesn’t really make it any easier to bear.
She isn’t in distress any more, and I am sure that she would have thanked you for the relief if she could have. I’m sorry that it is so hard.
Take care of yourself, it sounds like you need some TLC right now.
Posted by: Cynthia A | July 3rd, 2008 07:09
really really sorry about your kitty. and about the food poisoning. x
Posted by: Adee | July 3rd, 2008 09:21
I am really really so sorry. I know that this has been in the background for a while but I did hope that you would be able to spend another year or so together.
Will you leave it to see how things go or will you offer a home to a new cat-kitten straight away - in the way that Dee over at Posh Yarns did?
Gx
Posted by: Gabrielle | July 3rd, 2008 10:32
You’re not an arse and you know it. I think that we react differently to each loss in it’s own way. But, not matter how much preparation about a pet’s death softens the blow completely. We knew our Rosie was sick, and truth be told, I knew she was dying, but nothing prepared us for the vet saying it would be more humane to put her down that day. Buck up but don’t run out and buy a “replacement” right now - give it some time.
Sucks about the food poisoning. Any chance you partook in some lovely steak tartar (or whatever they call it in Brussels)? I wasn’t brave enough to try that when we were there.
Oh, an no spoilers about the season ending of Doctor Who . . . no sirree!
Posted by: Ava | July 3rd, 2008 13:36
Oh no - I’m so sorry. Hugs
Posted by: Kate | July 4th, 2008 01:19